People often return home for the holidays but feel like guests because they have been away for a while. Rely on faith to make “home for the holidays” felt by all.

There are many reasons people geographically leave their family. Education, enlistment, and employment are some of those reasons. People in these situations often travel home for the holidays to spend time with loved ones. This isn’t your typical vacation, and it can sometimes create a sense of duty or stress in a time that is supposed to be about coming together again. There are things to be done on both sides to make the idea of going home for the holidays a welcoming experience. For those who only have positive feelings about that return trip, the ideas mentioned below can help people come together even closer than they were before.

The people who moved away from family are often the ones tasked with returning to rejoin their family’s celebrations. This should be just fine because they are the ones who left, right? Well, returning to a childhood home, town where they grew up, or even being with people who still see them as a child can create a one-sided tension that distracts from the reunion. It’s something that can be easily resolved with just a few simple considerations.

Pre-Trip Considerations

Leaving home, whether temporary or more permanent, is a choice that is not made lightly. Besides the expense, there are a lot of considerations that take place before one moves away. It should come as no surprise that similar considerations take place when the idea of returning home temporarily is brought up, especially if this is an infrequent expectation. One way to help is to keep faith (in yourself, family, and God) by having conversations about a few of the key things that affect coming home for the holidays.

Space

One major factor in this potential anxiety is about where someone gets to sleep. Having a physically and emotionally safe place to sleep is something that impacts their faith in their family. Is the visitor in their old room? Has that room changed? Are they sleeping on a couch? Will their morning routine and needs be feasible in this space?

There is not a blanket right answer to these questions because each person has their own feelings about their experience. Those who are staying in their childhood home, but in a guestroom that is different than their old room may feel like they no longer belong in that space. On the other hand, staying in a childhood room that hasn’t changed may make them feel like they are still seen as the child that once held that space. Transparency in the conversation surrounding sleeping options is a simple way to ease these anxieties before the trip occurs and reduce the likelihood of them feeling like they are a guest in their own family.

Privacy

Another conversation that should take place is about any private topics that they aren’t ready to share with the whole. While at Christmas dinner, Aunt Pearl doesn’t need to find out about that recent doctor’s appointment you talked to your mom about. If there are conversations that have occurred with part of the family, but they aren’t ready for more public discussion, talk to the people you have discussed it with to regain trust in the privacy of that topic. It’s not about hiding anything but about their right to share their own news when they are ready. Have faith in family to uphold your expected level of privacy and other boundaries.

Itinerary

In planning the trip, it is important to also consider all the things need to occur. This is especially true in families that have experienced divorce. Time spent (together) thinking through how to fit in all the important parties, the important places, and important activities will ensure everyone’s expectations are met. For example, one of my best friends comes home twice a year. Before her trip starts, she makes sure to give both of her parents opportunities to see her in the towns they live in. Setting specific times with people or at activities can allow the traveler to make the most of their experience home without being monopolized by one aspect of their trip. This also means decisions about traditions/activities are important to be discussed before the trip occurs.

Welcome Home

Once your family has been reunited for the holidays, it is often easy to fall into old habits or traditions. Maybe your family always has adults at one table and children at another. But what happens when the children are now 19, 20, or 21 years old? Legally adults but generationally children, where do these people fall? Consider scrapping the seating chart or making the “kids” table an adult 2.0 table instead! Asking these young adults to take a hands-on role in the preparation of the family time can help reduce the feeling of being seen as a child, while also shaping the thoughts those watching the work be completed.

Another tradition that many families uphold during the holidays is a group worship or service activity. My family (immediate and extended) went to church together on Christmas Eve for the longest time. At first, we went at a specific time to balance dinner, naps, and the arrival of Santa. Then we went based on the youth choir schedule. Once the “children” were all out of the house and traveling for the holiday, we decided to go at our own times that worked within our family plans, but we all still went. Luckily this was an easy shift because our church had so many services offered. This also allowed us to all worship in our preferred manner. It seems my aunt prefers the service with the children’s choir while I prefer the one with the youth choir. Being open to shifts in timing or groupings allows for the worship/service to still take place, and the debrief of everyone’s experiences can be just as meaningful as doing it all together.

Conclusion

As you welcome people together for the holidays, keep in mind that people may have changed and are actively living a life that you are likely not fully enveloped in. It is on both parties to contribute to a positive experience, and both can rely on faith when it feels more like a chore than a reunion. Be kind, supportive, and remember the reason you have all come together. By keeping that in mind, faith (in yourself, each other, and God) can help guide everyone feel home for the holidays.

Warmly,

Elaine Seekon

About the Writer

Elaine is an educator by trade and passion, licensed in Special Education areas of Emotional Behavior Disorders, Specific Learning Disabilities, and Autism Spectrum Disorders, as well as Secondary Communicative Arts. Education-driven, she has previously completed a Master of Arts in Educational Leadership and is currently pursuing a doctoral degree in Social Psychology. She is currently working as a Behavior Specialist in a high school setting. With Spirit & Truth Publishing, Elaine is happily employed as a writer and editor.

This blog post is part of a monthly series of practical advice for faith formation leaders by faith formation and education professionals. Summaries of these posts are sent in a monthly email to email subscribers. Subscribe today!